Open Water - 8/31 Days of Halloween

Hey guys, here's the deal.  I'm probably not going to be finishing 31 Days of Halloween.  I certainly won't be if I commit to reviewing movies I've never seen before.  I will try to do some, and if possible I'll post a bunch of reviews of movies I know well but haven't reviewed before.  But I've decided to apply to law school and that means I need to go into LSAT prep mode.  But here's my review of Open Water, since I watched it last night.

This movie is about an annoying couple who get stranded in the open ocean with sharks.  I really can't overstate their annoyingness though.  They're a petty, angry couple who seem to be having no fun on their vacation because they can't escape the stress... this is before they're stranded.

Some of the scares are good.  I'm intensely afraid of sharks, so it was easy to scare me with this one.  But this movie also hasn't aged well, with intense handheld close-ups and dramatic musical interludes that just scream 2000s in the worst possible way.  This really kept me from being afraid most of the time, and my fear should've been a shoe-in, because I get scared thinking about sharks when I'm in a hot tub.

Overall a dull movie.

Haunt - 7/31 Days of Halloween

This is a fairly standard new family + haunted house movie.  It is bookended by a cinematic style similar to a crime TV show, complete with voice over.  The overall cinematography uses lots of double exposure flashes to other times.  This is interesting initially but quickly becomes dull.  It also centers on a romantic plotline with the girl next door, who ends up living in the house with them.

I do have to give this movie it’s due praises for its depiction of a functional modern family.  This is so rare in film, especially horror.  The parents are kind and liberal.  They don’t immediately freak out when their eldest son has a girl over for the night.  They greet her warmly and have a positive discussion with their son about being careful getting so quickly into a new relationship, as well as gently talking to her about her sudden new place in their lives.   There is genuine concern & compassion in these parental figures. 

 The overall premise & twist isn’t bad, and there is decent chemistry between our romantic leads, but in the end it doesn’t all fit together very well.  A combination of choppy scare scene graphics along with heavy-handed flashbacks allow the audience to clearly see what happened without giving that relief to the characters.  The romantic leads are occasionally annoying, but only because they act like real teenagers (and real teenagers aren’t actually super bright or witty).

There were also a few interesting plot points that were dropped off entirely, heavy-handed plot & foreshadowing that leads to absolutely nothing in the end.  Lots of creepy characters and situations that were meaningless or have no conclusion.  All this adds up to characters I found interesting, a plot & twist that were not the most original, but were definitely workable, and a combination that just didn’t quite hit the mark.

 

If you don't mind a somewhat lazy spook, this isn’t a terrible choice.

The Cottage (2012) - 6/31 Days of Halloween

Whoops!  I did watch this movie yesterday, but didn't have time to write a review until today.  This movie was significantly better than I expected.  It really freaked me out.  The Cottage basically could've been called "The NiceGuy™"

The movie is about a typical, dysfunctional upper-middle class family who has a guest cottage behind their house to rent out.  The father is a piano teacher (and apparently a really good one, judging by the size of the property they own) and the step-mother is a former student who is loathed by the children.  When their renter falls through, the family is in a rush to get a new person into their back cottage.  And well, Robert seems like a nice guy (cause come on, it's David Arquette).

 

He's sensitive and quiet, he writes romance novels because he wants to give women a beautiful escape from their lives.  he comes off as charming and harmless.  But of course he's not.  He's every guy your female friend has ever says she just feels uncomfortable around.  He's pushy in the faux-friendly NiceGuy™ way.  His carefully calculated pushes into your personal space are something you wanted.  He's just trying to be friendly.

The step-mom quickly figures this out about him, and to his credit the father trusts her, and says they'll kick him out if he makes her uncomfortable.  And he does.  Swimming naked in the pool, staring at the teenage girls in the house far too long, making comments on their clothing choices, touching the family baby without permission... he obviously lacks respect for women.

I don't want to give away the twist of the movie, but lets just say that vulnerable young girls, especially those who have experienced trauma and have difficult home lives, can become attracted to the dark charisma of sociopaths.

 While at times the film is formulaic, and the ending is uneven, I still appreciated it's exploration of the dangers of the charismatic pushy handsome stranger.

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Entertaining 3/5        Intelligent 3/5        Unsettling 3/5

  Scary 2/5        Gory 1/5        Funny 0/5         Artistic 2/5
 
Representation of Minorities 0/5        Representation of Women 3/5
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Goodnight Mommy/Ich seh, Ich seh - 5/31 Days of Halloween

This is a fucked up movie.  Also it's an Austrian film, German with English subtitles.  I figured I'd let you know because somehow I missed this bit of information before going to see it.  Oh, and the original title translates to "I see, I see", which is very different from the English title.

This is also a beautiful movie.  The cinematography is stunning, and the themes borrow heavily from some of the best horror films of all time (the Shining & Eyes Without a Face are obvious visual influences).  And the child actors who play Lukas & Elias are phenomenal.  The movie takes place on a highly modern country getaway, and begins with the ominous little boys playing outside.  They are mirrors of each other, so in tune.

The sets are fiercely unnerving, full of out-of-focus art portraits, creepy dolls and weird patterns (such as the ant wallpaper in the boys bedroom).  Most unnerving of all, of course, is their "mother" (is she really?), a modern mirror of Eyes Without a Face.  She comes back from her surgery short tempered, exhausted, and cold.  The opposite of the mother they remember.

The film shows it's hand quite early, which left me wishing for a different outcome the entire film.  Perhaps that was the core in a way, that it was so simple to see what was coming but having no way as a viewer to stop it or wish it into something more unexpected.  In either case, the film's slowly mounting dread is effective.

For such an artistic project, it has its moments of shocking brutality (warning for people who love cats), set against such a peaceful, lush landscape.  From a feminist perspective I can't really say much about it, which is strange for me.  The characters were neither misogynistic nor exemplary.  They simply were.  And there is power in that as well.

If you're in the mood for a somber, art-y dread daydream, this is the film for you.

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Entertaining 3/5        Intelligent 3/5        Unsettling 5/5

  Scary 3/5        Gory 2/5        Funny 0/5         Artistic 5/5
 
Representation of Minorities 0/5        Representation of Women 2.5/5
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Exeter - 4/31 Days of Halloween

Oh jeez.  If you want to save your time, I just really didn't like this movie.

Ten minutes in this movie was laden with toxic masculinity misogynistic bullshit.  The intro scene is a highly sexualized suicide, followed by our classic "nice guy" main character volunteering with his church to clean up an old spooky abandoned asylum.  He's meant to be loveable because he makes half-assed attempts to imply he's not okay with the destructive, sexist and cruel ways of his friends.  But in the end it's just hand-waving.  He says "come on man" when his friends talk about women as objects and cares about his church... though not enough to call the police when thousands of people show up to trash their renovation project.

Then a girl bets they can then summon dark forces by playing light as a feather, stiff as a board (if she loses the bet her boyfriend get to have anal sex with her).  It's one of the more inane premises I've ever seen.  Also, when the demonic possession occurs, the cheese factor is way to high, especially for a movie which was obviously not intended to be cheesy and is modern-made.

The rest of the movie is boring idiotic teenagers and lots more toxic macho bull.  Plenty of rape threats & jokes, etc.  All of this adds up to me not caring a whole lot about who lives and who dies.  The characters all range from mildly shitty to incredibly loathesome.  Also, no matter how bad things get they won't call the cops (in spite of the fact that we're shown over and over their cell phones are functional and connected).  I feel like at some point jail sounds less bad than gruesomely being murdered by/murdering your friends?

There's also just tons of plot holes.  Like being able to make holy water out of windex through the power of drunken wishful thinking (priest not required!).  Also implying demonic possession is caused by Wicca because the moon... or something?  And so many more.  Just overall a really crass, poorly executed and ultimately not particularly scary movie.

In the end, the twist was pretty okay, and there was some well-done gore.  The sets were also very pretty, if you're into abandoned asylums (and who isn't?) But it could've been done so very much better.

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Entertaining 1/5        Intelligent 0/5        Unsettling 1/5

  Scary 1/5        Gory 2.5/5        Funny 1/5         Artistic 0/5

  

Representation of Minorities 0/5        Representation of Women 0/5

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When Animals Dream - 3/31 Days of Halloween

I really feel like I hit the jackpot with this movie.  It's a feminist dream, really (plus the cinematography is great).  It's only major shortcoming is that (yet again) it focuses on a small rural white town, and thus includes no POC.  But in the end it's still a beautiful film that I recommend entirely.  Much like the famous Ginger Snaps (another favorite of mine that one of these days I need to review), this Danish film uses lycanthropy as an analogy to puberty.  But it takes it so much further that Ginger Snaps dared to go. 

Our antihero is Marie, a quiet young woman.  Her life is divided up simply.  She cares of her ailing mother, who has an unspecified disease that makes her helpless and silent.  She quietly butts heads with her father.  And she begins work deboning fish at a local factory where men outnumber women 10 to 1.  She also has a rash on her chest, and in our opening scene she is being uncomfortably prodded by a male doctor who makes a second appointment for her without even asking.

That is her life in her sleepy little town.  At least until she begins to have desires and to ask questions.  She wants to know what disease her mother has, and what drugs they inject her with.  Why is she placid, unmoving and unable to speak?  Why won't the doctor tell her about her own rash, which is now growing hair?  She meets a boy at work that she is attracted to, and suddenly lets out a coy side no one has ever seen before.  She begins to have confidence.

And this scares the shit out of most of the men around her.  That's the crux of this movie.  Marie represents the greatest fears of the patriarchy.  A fear of allowing a woman her agency.  A fear that if you let the hair & blood of puberty, along with it's sexual desire & defiance, go un-punished, she will turn on you.  The fear that a freed woman will fight back.  That she will kill her assaulters & abusers alongside those who watched her abuse and did nothing.  A fear that she will fight back and be too powerful for men to overcome.

The things for which she cannot be forgiven are showing her body as it bleeds, proudly displaying her hair (depicted gracefully down her back, along her neck and across her bosom), and disobeying her fathers orders to cover herself.  For holding power and being strong.  She is punished for these.  There is an intense desire by both the father who loves her and the co-workers who fear her to pacify her by any means necessary.  This includes women who are comfortable with their place in the patriarchal system and resent her for challenging it.  And it does not seem to include her lover, the man who tells her she is beautiful as he gently runs his fingers down the hair on her back.

 

The thing I really love about this film is that, unlike it's predecessor Ginger Snaps,  Marie isn't repulsed by her transformation.  She's nervous that the men she desires won't accept it.  She's afraid that people will harm her for it.  But the process itself she seems to enjoy, in all it's beautiful terror.  Her new power and changing body embolden her and turn her on.  Her defiance is mostly quiet, calculated, and intentional.  She revels in her new self.

It really is such a stunning allegory.  A beautiful portrait of a woman coming into herself, and refusing to take crap from anyone who gets in her way.  And I'm behind that all the way.

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Entertaining 5/5        Intelligent 5/5        Unsettling 4/5
  Scary 2/5        Gory 2/5        Funny 0/5         Artistic 5/5
  

Representation of Minorities 0/5        Representation of Women 5/5
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The Burbs - 2/31 Days of Halloween

Woohoo!  Here we are in day two!  Another horror comedy for you here, though this one comes straight from the '80s.

So, so eighties.  Really though, this movie is comedy gold.  I'm shocked I'd never seen it.  The movie starts with Ray & Carol (Tom Hanks & Carrie Fisher) as a delightfully stereotypical arguing suburban couple.   They're fighting about how to use their vacation, with Ray insisting he'll do great if he just rests at home.  Quickly we're introduced to the rest of the neighbors on their cul-du-sac.  The angry veteran and his wife (who enjoys showing off her ass to the raunchy teen next door), the overly chummy guy next door, and the old man who lets his dog poop everywhere.  They're the weirdest "normal" people you'll ever see.

The talk of the neighborhood quickly becomes the new neighbors, who've moved into a decrepit lot next door to our main character.  Their house is the epitome of a spooky horror movie house, situated smack in the middle of their green little suburb.  All the neighbors are wondering if the new folks will finally clean the place up.  Instead, strange lights & sounds come from the house (especially the basement) all through the night.

The people who live inside are generically foreign (probably Eastern European) and everyone on the block is frightened of them and their weird, quiet ways.  So of course all the bored white men in the neighborhood start stalking the new neighbors.  The new neighbors are quickly accused of being satanists, body snatchers, vampires, and all sorts of unsavory supernatural creatures.

While the wives encourage the men to stop harassing the neighbors, we get the bulk of the movie: a wacky bad-ideas teen comedy... except with grown men.  I didn't say the messaging of this movie was good, I said it was funny.  It's typical in every possible way, but so much so that it quickly becomes an intentional caricature of itself.

It's a classic cold-war paranoia film about the way we perceive difference as threatening to our way of life.  This makes looking at the movie from a moral point of view sticky in a way I can't really get into without spoiling things.  But from a pure what-the-hell eighties-camp point of view, it really is hilarious.

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Entertaining 5/5        Intelligent 2/5        Unsettling 1/5
 
Scary 1/5        Gory 0/5        Funny 5/5         Artistic 2/5
  

Representation of Minorities 0.5/5        Representation of Women 2/5
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